Top 10 Reasons for Dumping My French Boyfriend

by Laurel Avery

After having finally said "adieu" to my last French boyfriend (and after this experience I think it may indeed be the last), he wanted to know what it was that he did that made me dump him. After I wiped the look of incredulity off my face (did he ever listen to or care about anything I said?), I came up with the following top ten reasons, that may be of use for him to know if he wants to pursue a romantic relationship with someone in the future:

1. The Gauloise smoke floating constantly around his head was so dense that I could never see his face clearly.

2. His cell phone was attached to his ear so often, I thought it was a body appendage.

3. He had no friends of his own (that should have told me something right there), and all my friends did their best to hide their dislike of him.

4. He was so thin that it was like going to bed with a pile of coat hangers. However he never neglected to let me know whenever I had gained a few pounds.

5. Even though he had his own apartment, he was never in it and never once invited me to stay at his place. (No, he was not married)

6. Nobody I know could either spell or pronounce his name (even my French friends).

7. He always let me know what he wanted but never asked what I wanted. When I would tell him what I wanted he pretended to not be able to understand my English.

8. He thought I had some character defect because I didn't like liver or "epoisses," which is perhaps the stinkiest, slimiest cheese on the planet (even though I adore most French cheeses).

9. When out with friends they often picked up the tab for us, but he never returned the gesture.

10. He had an arrogance unsurpassed in the history of France. He would have made Marie Antoinette look humble in comparison.

While I understand that not all French men share the above
characteristics, I never want to date a French guy again!!!! (Someone
should remind me I said that the next time I date a french guy).
Happily, there are 100,000 Americans living in France, so figuring
that roughly half of them are male and perhaps half of that number is
single, it still gives me enough opportunity to one day meet someone
I can communicate with who understands my occasional craving for
tater tots.

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