More than Just a Friend
Do you guys believe in friendship between man and woman? I don’t. And every time I hear someone saying “We are just friends” I know for sure that there is something more, there used to be something more, or there will be something more in these relationships.
Well, certainly if your friend is a gay, or you are a lesbian, it is all clear. But in this case it is not that man-woman friendship we are talking about… Being friends with a gay is very wise and safe, gays are usually experts in fashion and all related fields, and they won’t lead away your boyfriend unless he is a latent gay as well :-)
Actually the issue of cross-sexual friendship is a complicated one… I made a sort of survey among my friends and asked them the question from the first line of the article “Do you believe in friendship between man and woman?”(I guess it’s a rhetorical question), most answers were negative. But is not that cut and dried.
Cross-sexual friendship is sometimes intimate and erotic and yet does not involve the physical expression of that intimacy. It’s a real tension.
My friend Julia said, “It’s possible, I slept in one bed with a friend of mine, and we just slept, nothing more. In the morning he told me that I was snoring”. So the guy was not sleeping, he was listening; and probably it was not an easy night for him…
The best “dénouement” of such a friendship is a feeling of love, or, to be more precise, when both man and woman admit that it is love and not friendship… And I do believe that love that originates from friendship is a long-lasting as it is based not only on passion, but on common interests. As C.S. Lewis said, “Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: ‘What! You, too? Thought I was the only one’”. So I see nothing really bad when friends (a man and a woman) end up in a bed or even at the altar.
A friend of mine, Ira, was absolutely sure that Alex was just her real friend. She could cry on his shoulder, and he would listen to all her moaning about her boyfriend after the usual quarrel. It never occurred to her that he probably felt something about her, otherwise why would he spend his time? She kept assuring me and everyone around that they were just friends, and they just had so much in common, and she felt so comfortable and relaxed with Alex…Even when she left for Germany for a year, and her official boyfriend used to write her about love once a week, and Alex wrote about everything everyday, she was sure they were just friends… Then she came back to Ukraine, broke up with official boyfriend, and started the procedure of obtaining German citizenship, Alex was just a friend. He accompanied Irina to Kiev, waited for her near the Embassy when she’d been interviewed, and … then he said he was happy that her application had been rejected. It was the moment of naked truth… And she suddenly understood something she already knew, but was hiding deep inside - she loved him! Now they are married, and their happiness is the best evidence of the fact that there is no friendship between men and women, but there is something more :-)
Here is one more observation about cross-sexual friendship. It is quite common that a girl/woman accepts man attentions, takes them for granted for years, and when asked about the nature of these relations, answers with a trivial “We are just friends”. This attention just flatters her self-respect.
Man will never waste his time on some lady who is lovesick for him, he may pity her, and feel a bit awkward about the situation, but he won’t prolong the relations with a mysterious phrase “We are just friends”.
So if you have a friend of the opposite sex, try to analyze the real source of this friendship, probably you’ll discover something that will amaze youJ, or don’t analyze anything at all and try to enjoy your life and surprises it gives you, but try not to hurt and not to get hurt…
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